五十個別跟攝影師約會的理由

Melly Lee 是美國洛杉磯的一位攝影師，他寫過許多有趣的相關文章，

在網路上引起最多人討論的是這篇「五十個別跟攝影師約會的理由」，

攝影師本身當然最知道攝影師 的怪癖，如你所知，這類文章通常在讓我們笑笑之餘，

也反省一下，自己是否陷入了某些怪怪的情境中。

同樣的邏輯，還可以寫的更多條目，也可以反向寫出50個跟攝影師約會的理由 :)

我們來看看Melly Lee 怎麼說:

⋯⋯ 五十個別跟攝影師約會的理由

1.他寧可拿著心愛的相機也不去牽你的手。

2.這是一個浪漫的約會，你看著夕陽逐漸垂落，心裡想著多美啊，然後卻聽到他說：「好的，反光板預升，三腳架，光圈縮小到F8，快門，125分之 一 秒。」...XD

3.你再也不會享受到看電視，電影，或者是雜誌的樂趣了，因為他會不停的告訴你其中的「視覺的、構圖的問題」。

4.他會坐在咖啡店裡很長一段時間，然後鬼鬼祟祟，猥猥瑣瑣的偷偷的觀察別人，尋找所謂的「拍攝時機」。

5.假設你和他在散步，當你們遇到了一些「有趣的光線」時，他們會讓你站著，坐下，擺出各種POSE，卻不管街上人群的反應。

6.你永遠也享受不到熱騰騰的食物，因為他們會花上15分鐘給那些飯菜照上20張不同角度的照片。

7.當你的朋友去告訴他：「哦，我對攝影很有興趣，你能幫我挑選一下相機嗎？不要太專業，相片好看就行。」這時他們會變得很生氣...。

8.他在藝術博物館里分析一幅作品所花費的時間比你來大姨媽的時間都長。

9.在舊書店裡也一樣。

10.當你發現他在專注的注視著你的時候，其實他在思考要用什麼樣的方法來進行後製的修潤。

11.或者他只是在假裝看著你，偷偷的觀察著其他人尋找拍攝機會，攝影師最會運用目光餘光了。

12.他可能寧可花1000美金給自己買一個鏡頭，裝做沒事，卻沒有幫你買個包包。

13.你不可能讓他只拍一張，他至少會拍五張。

14.如果你問他你是不是長肉肉了，他會說：沒事的，我可以用PhotoShop修回完美的樣子。

15.如果你給自己拍的照片沒有達到他們所謂的「標準」，他連後製都懶得為你做。

16.還在想著他昨天給你拍的照片兒呢？能收到就算是好運了。

17.他會花自己所有時間在電腦上！而且不是為了看毛片兒！

18.他甚至還在用底片相機！(哈，這有什麼不對嗎？...)

19.如果他不提那些亂七八糟的相機設定參數，他可能都沒法兒和你聊天兒！

20.想想吧，他一直都在比你更「酷」的人來往，演員，模特，音樂人...以及大咖的人物！

21.就算是買個咖啡杯都要挑三揀四的！

22.他不回你的簡訊或是電話，但是你知道他總是還有時間在網上FB、無名...傳照片兒。

23.他還在看那些你聽都沒聽說過，永遠也看不懂的，老的不能再老的電影！

24.在他眼裡，再怎麼奇怪的東西都不奇怪，反而是正常的。

25.普通的男人在拼誰的小弟弟更長更大更硬，他在拼誰的鏡頭更長更大管，對他而言這是很重要的事情。

26.如果某一個非常遙遠的地方發生了自然災害，他一定想著第一時間飛過去！

27.所有東西都要打上浮水印。

28.他覺得其它人的照片都不行...。

29.他陪你看暮光之城與澤西秀的時候，他只想著色彩校正。

30.他討厭彩虹棒棒糖，就是裡邊有一個圈的那種。

31.當他和一大群人在聊天時，如果話題深入了他還會記筆記！

32.為了表現品味，他崇尚使用價格昂貴的Mac或是Moleskine筆記本(編按: 義大利製造的知名筆記本品牌，台灣由誠品代理進口)。

33.他喜歡跑到一個充滿陳腐氣息而且隨時快塌了的老房子或是廢墟。

34.他總是逼著你看新照片，不管你喜不喜歡。

35.他討厭你朋友拍的朦朧的藝術照。

36.陽光明媚的大晴天讓他們感到悲傷，但是遇到了多雲或者是陰陰的天氣他是那麼開心(編按:台灣好像不是這樣)。

37.他會帶你去那種十分有「藝術氣息」的地方，但是那種地方經常發生搶劫或是出現混混。

38.你每一年的生日禮物通常只會是照片。

39.如果到了一個新的地方，只會被他拍爛了，想讓他停下來是不可能的。

40.他總是會讓你去幫他測光。

41.沒有一個東西是美的！他必須要用PhotoShop修出來。

42.「帶上相機」意味著再帶25公斤器材。

43.如果你不小心搞壞了他們的器材，那麼這就意味著你欠他們上萬塊了。

44.你不能給他低於一萬五千元的生日禮物或是新年禮物，因為現在最便宜的單眼，最少都超過這個價錢了。

45.他就是有戀物癖，就是愛囤積，老的雜誌，報紙，包裝盒還有一切能帶給他們「靈感」的東西！

46.他總是又怪又可愛。

47.他有無數個裝照片的硬碟，但是印出來的最多十張。

48.他總是暗地裡評價著你的創造力與藝術審美。

49.如果你一直使用「自動模式」，他會取笑你。

50.他只有在學到新的佈光技巧時才會到達高潮。

Via:
http://notastarvingartist.com/post/12766897643

50 Reasons not to Date a Photographer

Was inspired to write one of these hehe.

1. They rather hold their bulky camera, than hold hands with you.
2. On a romantic date, you’ll watch the sun go down and think “Wow this is gorgeous” and they’ll go “mirror lock, tripod, and stop down f/8 at 1/125.”
3. You’ll never be able to enjoy tv, movies, or magazines because they’ll point out all the visual flaws.
4. They like to sit in obscure coffee shop and voyeuristically watch people for great lengths of time.
5. If you’re taking a walk outside and you come across some “interesting light” they will make you sit/stand/pose in public so that they can take a photo.
6. You’ll never get to enjoy freshly cooked meals because they’ll spend 15 minutes taking 20 variations of the same dish with their iPhone.
7. They get angry when your friends go up to them and say “I am interested in photography, can you recommend a good camera for me?  Nothing professional I just want to take pretty pictures.”
8. You’ll wait longer for them to finish analyzing art in a museum than you’ll wait at the dmv
9. Same goes with old used bookstores.
10. When you think they’re giving you their undivided attention, they’re really wondering how they could fix you with a little Clone Tool and Patch Tool.
11. Or they are actually using you to not look so creepy as they people watch everything going on around you.
12. They rather drop $1,000+ on new glass than a purse for you. 
13. You can’t take a photo with them without taking at least five more.
14. If you ask them if you look fat, they’ll say “don’t worry I can photoshop you later.”
15. They’ll never photoshop something simple for you if the content is not up to their “standards.”
16. That photo they randomly took of you yesterday?  Good luck getting them to send it to you.
17. They spend all their time on the computer (and not for porn.)
18. They can’t have a normal conversation without throwing acronyms and random numbers in.
19. They still use film cameras.
20. They spend a lot of time with people cooler than you i.e. models, actors, musicians, successful rich people.
21. They’ll be fussy over the position of a common household object, like a coffee cup.
22. They won’t return your calls or text messages, but you can bet they’re still posting pics on Instagram.
23. They like watching old films that you’ve never heard or will ever understand.
24. They like looking at weird things in general.
25. Instead of having penis-envy, they have camera-gear-envy.
26. If there’s a natural disaster in a far away land, they’re already on a plane going over there.
27. Everything is watermarked.
28. They think everyone else’s photos suck.
29. They want to color correct a lot of scenes from Twilight and Jersey Shore.
30. They hate rainbows, especially ones spinning in a circle.
31. Whenever you’re in a group talking and the conversation goes deep, they’re taking notes in some form of Moleskine.
32. They use over priced Moleskine notebooks.
33. They like trespassing into old abandoned buildings filled with health hazards.
34. They always want to show a new photo they took, but don’t really care if you like it or not.
35. They hate your n00bie friend’s new artsy profile picture.
36. Bright, sunny days make them sad, but cloudy, overcast days are apparently great!
37. They’ll take you into places that have “culture” as well a high chance of getting mugged.
38. Your birthday present will be a portrait that they’ve taken of you.
39. You can’t go anywhere new without them stopping to take a photo of everything and anything.
40. They will always bug you to be a test subject.
41. Nothing can ever be naturally pretty, everything must be fixed in Photoshop.
42. Bringing their camera means, bringing 50lbs of equipment.
43. If you break any of their things on accident, you’ll owe them thousands of dollars.
44. You can’t get them a birthday/Christmas present without spending at least $500
45. They are natural hoarders, collecting and keeping piles of old newspapers, packaging, magazines, and other things that “inspire” them.
46. They are weird and geeky.
47. They have hard drives of photos, but probably have printed 10 images.
48. They are always secretly judging your creativity.
49. If you’re ever in auto mode, they laugh at you.
50. They orgasm every time they learn a new lighting technique.